Sex in Shanghai: Everything You Need to Know to Get Intimate this Winter

江思波

Temperatures are dropping in Shanghai, making it the perfect time to turn up the heat in the bedroom. From where to find larger condoms to the hottest toys, sexy classes, the kink scene and ancient Chinese erotica, we’ve got you covered. This holiday season, it pays to be naughty.







Work It Out

Sexy doesn’t begin and end in the sack. In fact, everything from the art of the tease to increasing the intensity of orgasm can be worked prior to tangling the sheets. Beginning with the basics, regular exercise can help improve stamina, strength and flexibility and increase blood flow with the added benefit of, you guessed it, kicking up the libido. Exercises that work the “powerhouse” in Pilates or engage the mulabandha in yoga are especially good for strengthening the pelvic floor (also referred to as kegel or perineal) muscles. Strong kegels can improve control and endurance for the gents (because who wants to leave the party early?), grip and parlor tricks for the ladies (the escalator, anyone?), and the intensity of the big “O” all around. Convinced? Check CW’s listings for gym, yoga studio and Pilates recommendations.

If you’re hankering to get a workout while learning some sexy moves at the same time, check out pole or belly dancing classes at Souldancing or GT Fly Dance Studio. In addition to a full-body workout, the sensuality of these dancing styles has a clear bedroom carry-over.

Online Dating

Solo is okay, but two (or more) in the bed is always better than one. If you’ve plumbed the depths—one way or another—of your acquaintances and still can’t find a (wo)man blanket for the winter, we suggest you take the hunt online. There are the usual local-based websites and personals ads, but we've heard success stories on OKCupid.com as well. The international site has a large Shanghai-based community and plenty of entertaining matchmaking functions. It’s in English but open to folks foreign and local, straight and LGBT.

For more targeted surfing, Gays.com and Fridae.asia have a reasonable number of members based in Shanghai. If your written Mandarin is strong, Jiayuan.com is China’s largest online dating site (though with a heavy straight bias). Be prepared to offer all the details, salary included. Both OKCupid and Jiayuan boast mobile apps. If you prefer the smartphone route, Jack’d and Manhunt are popular among the gay community. Grindr and its straight counterpart, Blendr, require VPNs to access so don’t get much traction in China, but you can give them a shot. For a more local interface, Momo is China’s pre-eminent hook-up app, but WeChat, Douban and even Weibo have some matchmaking merit as well.

Aphrodisiacs

Looking to rev up for the big night? While not necessarily medically proven, there are plenty of foods and herbs that are considered to enhance arousal, sensation and virility. Some well-known Western examples include oysters (try Osteria and the Waldorf’s Long Bar), dark chocolate, and red wine. But what does Chinese medicine have to say?

According to Shanghai United Family Hospital & Clinics’ Dr. Ko Liuying, TCM has given an important assist to procreation for thousands of years. “In TCM, the preservation of qi in the kidneys is essential for increased fertility and enhanced virility, so any foods and herbs that are good for the kidney’s vital energy make for a good aphrodisiac. For example, lamb or deer meat, black beans, Chinese yams, and okra,” Ko explains. “For men, they need to boost the kidneys’ yang qi, and for women the yin qi. So for men, herbs like herba epimedii, fructus psoraleae and radix morindae officinalis are good, and for women, sea cucumber, donkey skin glue, fructus corni, and gouji berries.” Many varieties of performance and libido-boosting formulas (called you gui wan for men and zuo gui wan for women) that make use of these ingredients are available over the counter; however, Ko suggests you still consult a TCM physician as the specific herbs and quantities used should be tailored to a person’s individual health and physique.

Lace Up

Partner, found. Date, set. But what will you wear? Underneath, that is. For ladies, finding Western brands and sizes in lingerie is tough, especially for the well-endowed. Marks & Spencer does stock larger bra sizes, but these often go quickly. Bao.d stocks a selection of bras and underwear of the local, international and knock-off variety. They do carry larger sizes, though not in all styles; prices are cheap, with most bras and undies well under the RMB100 mark.

The Villa  stocks some top-quality imported items, and small Julu Lu boutique L’amours Toujours  boasts an international selection of brands like La Perla and Aubade with prices ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand renminbi. No guarantee on sizes. For sexy negligee, check out some silky sleepwear from Italian brand Lucia Berutto. Also, don’t discount your favorite brands back home. Many, like Victoria’s Secret, offer international shipping—charges apply though, so get some friends together and make it a party.

Now, about that sexy nurse costume. Despite its name, the Kai Xuan Men’s Sex Toy Market stocks plenty for the ladies. A number of stores have little one- and two-piece numbers hanging from rafters ranging from nurse outfits to sexy sailor to teeny tiny qipao, as well as fishnets, garters and the like. Most are one-size-fits-all and made of cheap material, but would suffice for a one-night fantasy enactment. Some shops also stock small Hustler accessory collections (which can also be ordered online from Miadore.com), along with a selection of whips, cuffs, ball gags, his and her leather gear and more.

“Bondage, S&M attributes and clothes sell, but it is a small market,” says Teun Overeem, founder of Shanghai-based toy distributor BloomNine. It’s growing though. A LELO study shows worldwide whip purchases up 50 percent, blindfolds up 80 and cuffs up 100. You’re not alone, so don’t be shy.

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Toy Time

When it comes time to play, you can go ordinary or extraordinary by bringing some toys into the mix, if you dare. Contrary to popular belief, LELO’s top consumers are couples. Says LELO AB Global Marketing Manager Steve Thomson, “We owe a lot of our success to designing products that are welcomed in relationships because they add to the experience rather than replace one partner or another.” Couples massagers, as well as combo packs like LELO’s “Dare Me” and “Indulge Me” pleasure sets are the company’s biggest sellers.

In terms of the nascent Chinese market, Overeem says China’s toy manufacturers remain driven by cheap mass production. While there’s a large market for cheap products, especially for first-time toy users, Overeem and Thomson both note that Chinese consumers are becoming increasingly discerning. The Kai Xuan Market is a perfect example. Where five years ago not a foreign brand was to be seen on the shelves, today plenty of shops stock legitimate selections of LELO, Pico Bong, FunFactory and more. The atmosphere may be less erotic, but there are relatively good bargains to be had here.

Consumers should be aware of a few safety issues. Phthalates, often used in the production of cheap toys, “are chemicals used to soften plastic, which over time can seep out and get absorbed into the body,” warns Thomson. Look out for toy boxes that have a strong chemical odour or are marked “For novelty use only.”

Where lubricants are concerned, Overeem cautions you to steer clear of any lubricants containing parabens or glycerin. Top-of-the-line Western brands, including Eros, are available at boutique shops and the market. There are fakes out there, but Thomson and Overeem agree it’s not terribly difficult to spot the difference. Nevertheless, both suggest you do your research before making a purchase.

If you’re a toy virgin and not comfortable venturing out into the open yet, you can pop that cherry with a private BloomNine toy party. If you’re a toy enthusiast, check out the upcoming Adult Care Expo at the Shanghai Convention Center on the April 12-13, 2013.

Staying Safe

We’re going to bust out the cliché here: safe sex is great sex. So before you retreat into your love den, make sure you’re covered—no one wants to have to run down the street to the Kedi half naked for Durexes.

First, the common question: Where can one find larger condoms in Shanghai? Easy. Plenty of the city’s small sex shops stock imported condom brands in larger sizes. Try Amy’s Bedroom, My Honey, Honey Time, Laowai’s Basket and the Kai Xuan Market, or take a browse on Taobao. Common brands stocked are Durex (56mm), Big Boy (56-58mm), Okamoto (72mm), and Sagami (60mm), but you can find other brands such as Jissbon, Trojan and Playboy in a variety of sizes as well. The Japanese brands Okamoto and Sagami boast a 0.02mm thickness, the thinnest in the world, but the right fit is crucial to amping your pleasure. If you’re not sure how to properly check your measurements, pop onto Condomerie.com. This Dutch condom shop’s site has a sizing how-to guide plus plenty of other useful tips like how to identify condom-related allergies—if rubbers have a deflating effect on you, this could be your issue–keep an eye out for the non-latex brand Skyn, also available in Shanghai.

For women, obtaining birth control in China is often easier than back home, as birth control pills (避孕药, biyun yao) are available over the counter without a prescription (though these days you may need to present your passport). However, only four brands–Marvelon, Yasmin, Diane and Minulet–are available, so there’s no guarantee you’ll find a brand with the hormone balance that works best for you. The morning-after pill (事后避孕药, shihou biyun yao) is also available over the counter: the most common brand is Yu Ting, though it should be considered for emergencies only. Other forms of birth control, such as Nuvarings and Depo Provera, are not readily available in China. Some foreign clinics may be able to order these, but the supply may not be consistent. We’d suggest speaking to a doctor about other alternatives.

Of course, only condoms protect against STDs, so before you engage in any love without the glove, it’s best both partners get tested (remember, many STDs can be asymptomatic). Foreign clinics can do this for you, but the price will be high and the results take up to a week. Alternatively, you can go to the Shanghai Skin Disease & STD Hospital at 196 Wuyi Lu. Ask for an STD test at the counter (xingbing ceshi). You’ll be asked to fill out some basic information (no passport required). The total cost of registration and testing is around RMB300, and results will be ready within 48 hours.

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Kink

Toys and accessories are certainly one way to spice things up, but if you’re looking to kick it up a notch, saucier pursuits of the alternative / fetish / BDSM variety are alive and well in Shanghai, despite the fact that they remain well under the radar. You’re not likely to see fetish or kink parties get much wilder than Shanghai’s Pervert Parties (the next one’s in January), which are more costume driven than anything else. As one kinkster puts it, the S&M here refers mostly to “stand and model.” The reason such events are more toned down in Shanghai has a lot to do with Chinese law. Says Mattia Visconti, organizer of the Pervert Parties, “Men are not supposed to appear shirtless, and showing an XXX-rated video to a group of more than four or five people is a jailable offense. We can’t really push more than we already do.”

Large, privately held group events are not common either, mainly due to fears of China’s licentiousness law. The law, which essentially prohibits group sex, saw one Nanjing university professor, Ma Yaohai, arrested and jailed for three-and-a-half years in 2010 for setting up a swingers‘ club and hosting private orgies. Most fetish and BDSM activities therefore occur quietly and privately. One Beijing-based member of the BDSM scene who’s lived in China for over 10 years, who we’ll call K, says that the nature of BDSM activities makes these more problematic than mainstream sensual or sexual displays.

“One Chinese man I spoke to was worried that whipping could result in a person being charged or convicted of assault. There’s a notion that BDSM is predatory and coercive, and that people can’t consent to some BDSM activities, even if they do,” he explains. But this is a misconception. For many kinksters, the scene is about establishing sharing and trust, both between partners and within the kink community. “A lot of things get lumped under the BDSM category, but it’s really just about being who you want to be and trying things in different ways. Being part of the scene doesn’t mean you have to be into everything that’s out there.”

To explore your kinky side, check out FetLife.com, Alt.com and Recon.com (for gay men only) to meet up with other Shanghai festishists. Those highly proficient in Chinese can search for forums and conversation threads on QQ and BBS, though K warns that linguistic barriers, particularly definitions of what it means to be an S or an M, vary greatly between the Western and local scene, with the Chinese interpretation being far more literal.

If you’re more into reading Chinese erotica than participating in it here, check out the classic Jin Ping Mei (The Golden Lotus) by Lanling Xiaoxiao Sheng, China’s classical equivalent to Lady Chatterley’s Lover, or read up on “The Bedroom Arts” (fangzhong shu), a compendium of Chinese classics on lovemaking and China’s Taoist equivalent of the Kama Sutra.

Talkin' Dirty in Chinese

Getting flirty but don't quite have the Chinese to keep up? Try dropping a few of these phrases.

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老湿
Literally “always wet” (laoshi), this phrase started as pornstar Sora Aoi’s nickname. It’s now been co-opted as a general term for those in her line of work.
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啪啪啪
It’s onomatopoeia: papapa. Use it like you’d use the phrase “banging.”
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高潮
Gaochao translates to “high tide.” You can probably figure this one out yourself.
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炮友
Using the you from pengyou (朋友), paoyou is what we call “friends with benefits” or “booty calls” in English.
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菊花
Literally, this term refers a daisy, but 菊花 (juhua) is now more commonly used to euphemize the “number two hole.” Engaging its services is known as 爆菊 (baoju, “exploding daisy”).
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叫兽
Another punny one. Constructed to sound like professor, jiao shou literally translates to "screaming beast," and refers to perverted teachers, or those who would take advantage of their students.
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走光
Taking the guang from guangtou (bald), to  "run bald" is to flash someone.